1-German departments all around the world will become as innelektully [G.H.W. Bush] scintillating as the Algonquin Round Table and Madam de Stael's Salon combined - come the day! Ho ho, here comes Santa Claus down your chimney! Jingle Bells all the way. And Academia will no longer infantilize itself.
2-The U.S. Army will surge ever more deeply into the sinkhole of the desert sands... with predictable results... Then there will be another 20 thousand here, and there... until the Sunny Sunnies and the sitty Shiites will decide that 1500 years of a family feud is long enough, and storm the Green Zone and steal each and every blanket and fridge.
3-The NY Times will stop... trying to accommodate the pop culture in its Art + Leisure section.
4-Veep Cheney will get a heart, it will go hip-hop and be electronically monitored by the entire nation. The nation will hop in rhythm and eat it up, and the Veep's approval ratings will top those of the most famous gangsta rap.
5-Full professors will trade in their German shepherds for Chihuahas...
6-AnneApplebaum of WAPO will stop producing Apple Sauce...\n\n
7-a The Crawford Kid will stop trying to think with the vestigial part of his brain inside his viscera.. and then what???\n\n
7-b Sec-attack Robert Gates will die and be replaced by a rubber chicken and nobody will notice, but it won't matter.\n\n
8-Laura will recognize that The Brothers Karamazov is not only her favorite book but that...???...Oh me Gawd... "I married one of them."
9-The last vestiges of its founder Michael Kinsley's superciliousness will disappear from Slate\nhttp://www.slate.com/\n & Jack Shaefer will be true blue and stop prognosticating altogether.
10-Dennis "the Mutton" Dutton will marry a sheep on his farm in New Zealand and will stop using the Chronicle of Higher Education's \n\nhttp://www.aldaily.com \ to promote his views.
11-Seattle will undergo 100 days of 100 degree desert winds; all dankness will disappear from its denizens benighted brains, dermatologist and skin cancer specialist in the Northwest of Los Estados Unidos de Norte America will become rich overnight, all the Uftas will start saying "Que pasa?", take their clothes off, no longer look like pink marzipan pigs, get a tan, and dance and screw in the streets - come the day!
12-The Seattle Times will stop sentimentalizing killer whales and start to sentimentalize the killers in Washington State. As a matter of fact, it will cease to treat its readers as the idiots that most of them are, and as a result enjoy an increase in circulation; and their theater person Misha Berson will stop pretending that she is hip and admit to being what she is: an entirely pedestrian provincial philistine, one of the mediums by which one of the unfortunate features of provinciality perpetuates itself.
14-Psychoanalysts will cure each other, first of all... starting where and with what?
15-The mental drug called Hope will be prohibited. The mental function of, any need for, the drug called belief will cease.",
16-The ancient Chinese custom of a periodic revaluation of all language will be instituted. Everybody will take their mental clothes off... all hypocrisy will cease... The discourse will become an authentic discourse because the usual 500 words in which it is not conducted... will not be available any longer... and people will stammer as they need to create new words.
17-The magazine The Nation will acquire Tony Blair's prairie cojones from him and everyone will notice.
18-All the fat people will be sucked slim at the lypo-suction pipeline that runs to Africa... The conversion of oil into fertilizer into Corn Sweetener will come full circle. And then all Sweet Teeth will be pulled.
19] I will complete my 20 year Handke project and no one but a handful of the few who are too few will notice. However, Handke's Walk About the Villages [ariadne: http://www.ariadnebooks.com/
Handke's The Repetition, the God of Slowness will start to reign and the sheeples will learn to read, and disgorge the journalism in their brains.
20- And OJay will be Ojay...
And I will be wrong a 100 times again.MICHAEL ROLOFF 714-660-4445
Member Seattle Psychoanalytic Institute and Society\n
http://www.kultur.at/lesen/index.htm [see PROSA for "Dem Handke auf die Schliche"]
http://www.artscritic.blogspot.com [for the deconstruction of the Handke/Milosevic Controversy]
SCRIPTMANIA PROJECT MAIN SITE: http://www.handke.scriptmania.com